Dr. Paula's Blog

Spring Cleaning

2009-04-09T10:57:00.001-07:00

It’s the little things that matter, isn’t it?! I tackled my much-neglected refrigerator shelves last night at 2 a.m. (don’t ask) and felt the most amazing feeling of “aaahhhh”. Can you believe I could get such a sense of accomplishment, renewal and energy just by ridding the shelves of crusty old ketchup and ages-ago spills? There are several reasons, I think, that this kind of clean out helped me feel so much better. See if any of these ring true for you. For one thing, this task has such a great, visible payoff; I can instantly see the result of my work. Also, I could start and complete the job in one fell swoop. Finally, there is the joy of getting this “to do” off of my list after weeks of telling myself, “you really should clean that”. Rarely do I get to have these same results as a parent. The results of our hard work will not show up for years to come, maybe never, but we still keep working. We still read to our children daily in hopes of opening new worlds to them, building brain connections, etc. Each day we try to feed them healthful foods so that their little bodies will eventually grow big and strong. We model, daily, how to be a loving, compassionate person so that they too will make a positive contribution to our world. But parenting is not something that we mark off our list after it is “complete”. This job is ongoing and sometimes the fruits of our labor are so subtle and so far in the distant future that we get a bit weary. Imagine our wonderful God who “parents” all of us at our various stages of development (or stagnation in some cases). I am so grateful He does not grow weary of me!

After having such a wonderful feeling of satisfaction after my foray into the land of muck and mire that is my refrigerator, I decided to apply this same diligence to another area of my life. I have begun to feel a little stale in my worship practices; how could I get the same feelings of renewal and energy injected into my time with God that I received by cleaning my fridge? Well, I decided to do away with the old way I would “squeeze in” time with my Lord. Since becoming a parent, I find that the only time I spend peacefully talking to our Savior is at the end of the long exhausting day. And then, I rush through my prayers or Bible reading so that I can collapse into bed. I decided to begin my day with God rather than waiting until all I had left to give Him were the scraps of energy that I had left. What a difference! By just waking up 15 minutes earlier (5 am now instead of 5:15!) I am able to read my verse for the day, pick out one part that “speaks” to me, breathe deeply and listen for God’s voice and assurance of love. So far, this “cleaning out and making new” process has given me even more satisfaction that my sparkly fridge. You could try this, too! Pick one of your spiritual practices and start anew. Maybe you’ll change the way you say prayers with your child at night or have the dinner prayer a little differently. Try it and let me know how you feel. It may even help for you to tackle your fridge first like I did; it couldn’t hurt, right?

Blessings,
Dr. Paula

The Present of Presence

2009-03-02T12:20:00.001-08:00

During this season of Lent, we are being asked to commit to be present in worship as often as we can. By “present” our leaders don’t just mean that we show up and sit in our usual pew and “tune in” and out as the service progresses. In order to be fully present, we must fight down the urge to make a grocery list, a worry list or a honey-do list while we listen to the beautiful music and guiding words surrounding us.

I find that this process of being fully present enriches not only my worship time, but any time I am in relationship with those around me. If I attune completely to the activity at hand, be it play time with Stanton or John Davis or talking to my husband about his day, then I’m able to enjoy it, to more fully appreciate that time much more. It takes such discipline to do this on a regular basis in a world that applauds multi-tasking and “busyness” much more than calm and intentional “being”.

Challenge yourself during this season of Lent leading to Easter to truly BE in the moments that make up your days. While talking with your child, stop all other activity when you can. Look into his eyes and listen not only to the words, but to the emotion behind the words. Examine her face as she plays beside you. Notice the way he picks up apple slices and tucks them into his little mouth. Whatever it takes to slow you down so that you can have a deeper awareness, do it. This will be one of the hardest things you do this week, this month, this lifetime, but it will enrich all of your experiences beyond measure. God is able to work amazing miracles in souls that are still enough to listen and obey. The first most difficult step, however, is to make the commitment to be fully present in all of your relationships. Begin with the most important relationship of all: your time with God. Commit to just “being” as you experience God’s voice, God’s peace, God’s love. Next, I suggest you attend one of the services during Holy Week at First Church and remind your brain to stop and be present for what you experience during that time. The task is difficult and lengthy; the rewards are eternal.

Reason to celebrate!

2009-01-25T06:24:00.000-08:00

Who hasn’t had a bout with the blues this year?! With the stock market debacle, post-holiday let down, and the cloudy, chilly days of winter around us, we may find staying cheerful is an uphill battle. However, each and every day can bring new joys and exciting discoveries if we remember to focus on them. I find that those mornings that I begin my day with a litany of “I’ve gotta do….today,” or “oh, man, how am I going to cope with … again?” that my whole day is inundated with the negative and woefully lacking anything positive and encouraging. However, if I do remember to begin my morning (before I even lift my head from the pillow) with a “thank you, God for ….” then my entire day is full of light and seems to run much more smoothly. If I continue to look for reasons to be thankful or things that make me laugh throughout the day, then they are easy to find. Those things we seek are multiplied I find. Here are a few tips to get each and every day started in the right direction:

• Before your feet hit the floor, say one ‘thank you prayer’. Pick anything: family health, your child’s sense of humor, or the fact you’re still needed and then let God know you’re aware of this blessing and are truly grateful.

• Decide whose you are and what your “grand purpose” is today. Say, out loud, “I am God’s precious child and I choose to be a loving presence today” is a good one for me. Saying this out loud can completely convince me and remind me that whatever other purposes or roles that I play during the day, I am still God’s child and am His loving ambassador truly helps me.

• Eliminate the “have to’s” and “should” from your vocabulary. Remembering that you really do have a choice in many of the chores and tasks you set out for yourself is truly liberating and uplifting. You would like to unload the dishwasher or choose to do a load of laundry today is much better than letting these tasks become burdens.

• Remember that you are your child’s best “joy model”. Do you really want to raise a curmudgeon? Wouldn’t it be great to model for your child someone who marches through life happily and gratefully accepting all the challenges and opportunities facing you knowing that God marches with you to lift your spirit and provide all you will need? Of course!

Blessings to each of you and your families,

Dr. Paula

Gifts

2008-12-08T07:36:00.001-08:00

As I remember our Christmas tree last year, I’m reminded of all the presents spilling out from the tree skirt and invading the living room floor. We had packages of all shapes and sizes with brilliant wrapping paper and some with understated, simple paper hiding the contents of each box.

Now, as I watch my Stanton as a 5 year old big boy bounding off the school bus with his beautiful blue eyes and straight, blond hair, I think of his “wrapping” and think of our new baby John Davis. Certainly the outside wrapping for John is different. John’s hair is dark, his little nose is smaller and he is much smaller than Stanton was as a baby. But I wonder if there will be similarities in their personalities, the inside of the wrapping? Will John have Stanton’s adorable giggle, his gentle soul and intense love of music? As this little package is slowly unwrapped and the “goods” are revealed day by day, he will probably be quite a surprisingly different little human than our first gift. No matter. They will both have one very important thing in common. Both of these dear souls are amazing gifts from God for us to treasure each and every moment. We’re called to love all “packages” sent to us from God; we know this. At times, though, we forget. We gravitate toward those gifts that are easy to love. The attractive, the bright, the pleasant ones are a breeze to embrace, but the rumpled and crumpled, the less than perfect? These we sometimes struggle to accept, don’t we? We are called to look beneath, under the wrapping, to seek out the unique and amazing qualities God has given this package and embrace this one, too.

Try to remember this during this season of giving. Think, just for a moment as you watch those who come into your world about the amazing and wonderful gifts God has given us to love.

Blessings,

Dr. Paula

Separating

2008-08-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the first time I dropped Stanton Dean off at the church nursery. He was seven weeks old, and Michael and I had planned to attend worship services without him. As soon as I handed Stanton over to Jen Stuart, he began to cry. I just knew I'd be brave and strong and be able to walk away knowing that Jen and her staff would take great care with our new baby, but I was wrong. I crumbled. As we walked toward the Sanctuary, Michael asked, "Where do you want to sit?" I sniffed, "In the nursery with Stanton."

As it turned out, he was just fine and so was I, but that first time was so hard for me. We parents know that when we leave our children in another's care, there is an incredible amount of trust involved. I knew Jen and most of the childcare workers were beyond capable, and I trusted them to care for my little one just as I do. Time and time again, as we dropped Stanton off, the transition grew easier for me and for him. I learned to trust others with my baby and he began to expand his circle of trust beyond just mommy and daddy.

The key to easier transitions, I soon learned, is consistency. If we missed a couple of Sundays, Stanton would cry (I would cringe) and it took us both more than just a few minutes to feel comfortable. When we attended services regularly, Stanton began to anticipate his time with his church buddies and the childcare workers he now knew by name! Just recently did I begin to understand that this little scenario also applies to the consistency I demonstrate in my worship (both formal services and time alone with God).

When I consistently put my trust in my Father through prayer or quiet moments with Him, I am immediately comfortable in our conversations, in our relationship. The longer I stay away (either literally or figuratively) from that time together, the harder it is for me to feel close, to feel connected, to my God.

Hopefully, this fall will bring a new resolve for you and your family: To be consistent in your worship, both formal services and private moments alone with our Father.

peace to you,

Dr. Paula

Transitions

2008-05-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I must be off my rocker not writing a mother’s day article for May, but this is about an important part of motherhood, so I think that counts!

You know, when I hear the word transition, I tend to think of a slow, gradual move or shift into something new. I picture this old commercial for transition lenses that used to make me laugh. The person is wearing regular glasses and walks outdoors where they slowly change to sunglass lenses. I don’t get out much, obviously, because that image is still stuck in my mind!

However, the transitions I’ve experienced with Stanton haven’t been gradual at all, not really. When he walked, he walked. One day he was scooching along the living room floor and the next, boom! he was a walking machine. The move to preschool when I took on this job was not gradual. One day, we were together each and every moment; the next, he was gone for four hours of my day. It was terribly traumatic for me, not at all slow and gradual. But he was so happy about both of these big leaps in his growth. He loved being mobile and felt very much in control of his world with this new power of his. And Miss Dottie and Miss Georgia were his “cuddle buddies” that he loved tremendously. He also craved the interaction with these new peers. He could try out new words, trade toys and even learn how to recover from physical and emotional “owees” just by watching the other little humans in his room.
Now, at the end of this school year, he will be a FUMP graduate. There will not be a gradual move away from his beloved school and precious teachers and friends. One day, he’ll be in Miss Erin and Marla’s room with his best friends and the next, boom! his world will be completely different. And so will mine. So will mine. I cannot think about this leap into kindergarten away from his FUMP without crying, but not in front of him! For Stanton, there will be a moment or two of sadness and a touch of fear, but the overwhelming emotion will be of excitement about the new world of kindergarten and “big boy” pursuits. I am so pleased by all he has learned and how much he has grown. I would not have him stay behind or wish that his experiences here were any different at all. I am so pleased that he’s excited about his new school next year and seems to feel a certain sense of invincibleness about the whole process. For me, the change will be instant, but the letting go will definitely be gradual. It would be too difficult to shut that door and not look back. But, you know, God wouldn’t have our growth experiences be any other way either.
God loves to watch as we progress from one step to the next level of growth. I picture His pride in our making these leaps and stretches into the beings we were created by Him to be. However, there is also the wonderful assurance, that should we stumble, should we feel fear, that God is right there for us to fall into if the need arises. I don’t know God’s plan for me or for my precious child, but this I do know… “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) That gives me peace. Immediately.

Blessings to you,

Dr. Paula

Let Go of that Banana!

2008-03-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Let go of that banana!

I remember so clearly a story my grandmother told me when I was so little…A monkey was bounding happily through the jungle and saw a small cage with bars very close together. Inside the cage was one, ripe banana. Ah! The little monkey couldn’t resist. He had to turn his little hand sideways to squeeze through the bars and grab the banana. Once he had the banana in his little fist, he tried to pull his hand back out of the cage, but he was stuck. He pulled and struggled and jumped around, but there was no way he could get that banana out. What’s more, he couldn’t escape the cage unless he dropped the banana and turned his hand sideways. There were bunches and bunches of other delicious bananas hanging in the trees all around him, but our stubborn little friend wouldn’t let go of the banana in the cage! Hanging on meant being trapped; letting go meant freedom and the promise of tasty snacks abundant in the jungle around him.

I remember smugly thinking how ridiculous that little monkey was. I would never have done that! Of course, I would let go of that one silly banana and choose freedom and the promise of more fruit snacks awaiting me in the jungle. But, not so fast! I notice that at time, when the banana is anger from a wrong someone has inflicted upon me, I cling to that banana with incredible strength and stubbornness. I know in my head that releasing the anger is the only way to experience the peace and freedom that comes with forgiveness, but at times I still stay “trapped” by my inability to release. I know God has forgiven me and continues to forgive me more times than I can ever count or begin to deserve, but I don’t always model that forgiveness the way that I want to.

What “bananas” are you hanging on to? Wouldn’t the peace and freedom that comes with forgiveness taste so much sweeter than the anger you’re holding so tightly? Try it. Slowly loosen your grip on the anger and move gently toward the peace and freedom that comes when we forgive as we have been forgiven.

Peace and forgiveness are yours,

Dr. Paula

Hiding prayers

2008-02-27T10:01:00.000-08:00

Last week I talked to our children about a magic trick of sorts. I held up a gold coin and a colorful cloth. When we see someone holding a coin and cloth, there is usually going to be some sort of exciting magic trick just around the corner. Not this time! I placed the coin on the carpet and carefully covered it wiht the cloth. I asked the children, "Is the coin still there?"
"Oh, yes" they all replied. But how do you know, I asked. Can you see it? They couldn't see the coin, but knew it was still there because they watched me. I hadn't taken it away.

"Let's pull back the cloth slowly and carefully and see if you're right," I told them. With very slow, methodical motions, I pulled away the cloth. Ta-da! The coin was still there on the carpet! I asked the children if they were surprised. "No, we knew it would be there."

That little coin and cloth can represent so many of my encounters with God. There have been times in my life that I didn't feel God with me at all. I would have sworn the coin was not under the cloth because I felt so afraid or alone. My God was covered by a cloth of fear and loneliness. At other times, my God was covered by a cloth of frenetic activity. I felt so rushed and frazzled that I couldn't see God's presence until I removed the cloth and listened to His soft, still voice.

The cloth that covers our God can be any number of things as we journey together. For some, God is hidden by a cloth of anger or resentment from a recent hurt. At other times, the cloth is sadness resulting from the loss of a loved one or a long-hoped for dream. No matter the what the cloth is, it's important for us to lift it and look again at the coin, at our God's steadfast presence in our lives. As a reminder of His presence, carry a special coin with you in your pocket or purse as we journey closer to Easter this year. Hold that coin and know that it is just as solid and real as God's loving presence in your life today and everyday.

blessings to you,

Dr. Paula

Rite of Passage

2008-01-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

I was taking Stanton's little jeans out of the dryer last night and noticed something that gave me pause. I saw a worn place (almost a hole but not quite) in the knee. "He is a real boy now", I said to myself. I knew this day would come, but already? Just yesterday I was standing in this exact same spot, very pregnant, folding little onesies that I had received at my shower thinking, "Very soon there will be a baby filling this out!"

This near hole in the knee of his jeans tells me so much about him and what he spends his time doing these days (as if I didn't know already!) The work of a four year old boy is almost entirely done at either a full speed run or while scooching along on his knees. I looked at this hole and realized that my baby is now a boy, a real boy. His activities, his habits, are forming who he is and what he does. This hole also tells me what he values, what he gives time to.

Let's take this to the grown ups, shall we? If God were to look at my jeans, would he find holes? Would my habit of prayer be frequent enough to make an impact on the knees of my jeans? Now, we know that prayer doesn't have to be on one's knees (in fact, it might be a bit painful for some of us these days!) but we could take this analogy to heart anyway. Am I praying so often that there is a "worn out" path leading from my heart to God's ear?

Just as Stanton's jeans have let me know he has passed into the world of boydom, so should my prayer path demonstrate that I've graduated or am at least progressing in my journey to become a better Christian. What are my habits? How are they shaping how I spend my day, cope with problems, celebrate joys? I want my daily dealings to be deepening that path to God so that I become accustomed to doing all of these things with Him and not on my own.

Take a look at your "knees" and see if you could spend a bit more time developing a worn out spot there. I know I can.

More often than not

2007-11-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

I recently was invited to teach the Genesis class about raising Calm and Compassionate children. I think I learned more than they did, however! We discussed some of the techniquest we parents can use to help our children grow into the kind of Christian who can be strong and steadfast in their faith even in the midst of a chaotic world. The importance of rituals and routines help build a sense of security and structure for children, which naturally leads to a calmer child, cannot be overstressed. Children love to know that certain things in their ever-changing world will always be the same. Mommy will always read stories to me at night, Daddy will always say prayers before supper, our family will always celebrate even small accomplishments each week. We know these routines are beneficial for our children and for us, but what about the times that the schedule is thrown off or we "blow it" and act in a way that doesn't help our child feel secure? What then?

The first thing to remember is that parenting is an imperfect art because human beings are completely fallable. There will be times that we lose our cool, act impatiently toward our children or fail to show compassion as we should. God's grace is amazingly abundant for all of us, including parents who are genuinely working as hard as they can to do what's best each and every day for their children. I want the message for all of us, children and parents alike, to be that we can be forgiven and strive to do better the next time. Each and every interaction you have with your child will make some sort of impact: negative or positive. If you can honestly say that more often than not you act and react calmly with your child, redirect in a way that teaches and builds rather than tears down, and provide a "safe haven" for your child to grow and learn "more often than not" then feel assured that you are on the right track. It's so important that we model what we would like for our children to become, but that includes asking for forgiveness when we do make mistakes. When we are impatient or terse with our children, we can ask for a redo. Let your child know that your response wasn't what you wanted it to be and ask if you can rewind the clock and do it again the right way. Evaluate on a daily or weekly basis your interactions with those children in your life. Ask, "Did I act in a way that demonstrates my love and care for my child? Are our routines creating a calm environment? Are there some "trigger" situations that I need to change? We're all on a path of becoming that is fortunately full of forgiveness and grace, but only if we do our part to be the children God created us to be "more often than not." Blessings on those of you who care for children in your home or in your heart.

Guardians of the Light

2007-10-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

I recently read that parents can be described as "guardians of the light" and loved the image it created in my mind. It's so true that our children are full of God's light when they arrive, and that one of our responsibilities while they are in our care is to guard that light, that magical sense of wonder and love that comes with them from "God's factory". When they are babies, this is a fairly easy job because they're in our care almost around the clock. We can look into their little eyes and just see that spark! Guarding the light at this stage means responding to the little "coo's and goo's" with a loving, gentle voice, stroking their skin softly and providing for all their needs. As our little ones leave our arms, however, guarding their sense of wonder, awe and joy can be more daunting. There is much darkness out in our world and so we guardians must constantly turn our children toward the ultimate light: Jesus' love. On a daily basis, this means choosing love, turning toward the good in all things, remembering to be grateful, and caring for those who need it most. Such an important and worthwhile task, this job of guarding the light. Fortunately, we are not alone. Asking, sincerely asking, for God's help each and every morning is the first thing we guardians should do. The light that shines in our children can glow brighter with each passing season if we ourselves rely on the true source of all light, all wonder, all joy. Look at those little lights you have been given and help them shine on!